You're So Vain
by ebineez01
Summary: Gwen & Ianto have become best friends and now the Doctor has come to Cardiff to spend some time with Jack, neither are too happy about it.Starts off mainly with Jack,Gwen & Ianto, but will involve just about everyone you can think of. Crack-fic
1. Chapter 1

A/N: this isn't a happy Jack/Ianto love story. Jack is a bit of a bastard, though even he's not sure why, Gwen & Ianto are best friends, and it does get very strange. So if you're going to read this - keep an open mind. Only rated teen right now, but will be rated M for language and sexual content in later chapters.

Set after Jack comes back after leaving to help the Doctor bring the Earth back in Journey's End

Ianto trailed behind the others as they walked across the square towards the pub; Gwen holding hands with Rhys, Jack walking slightly in front of them, making puppy dog eyes at _him_ – as usual.

Ianto wasn't pissed at Jack for leaving them again – he & Gwen had told him to go after all. What he was pissed about was that he had brought the Doctor back with him. Well – he didn't exactly come back with him.

Jack had returned after the Dalek invasion was foiled just as he'd said he would. He'd brought Martha with him; trying for several days to convince her to stay and be their new medical officer. Martha wouldn't be persuaded though; she'd said she had to go home and sort things out. Ianto was sure she'd be back though; that was okay with him – he liked Martha. And since her fiancé was always away with 'Doctors without borders', it shouldn't make any difference to him which city he came home to.

After Martha went home, things returned to some sort of normality for their little group. There were the obvious adjustments of course, with both Tosh and Owen being gone; but he'd thought they were doing really well. Rhys was around a little more now; not so much at the Hub itself, but he often turned up on their pub outings. That was okay with Ianto as well, as it let him have more of Jack to himself. It was far from being lost on Ianto how much it bothered Jack to have Rhys around; ever since Rhys found out about Torchwood last year and Gwen refused to Ret-con him – Jack had been different; like he'd lost something. Ianto had a feeling he knew what it was. When Rhys didn't know about Torchwood, Jack had a part of Gwen all to himself – a part that Rhys never had access to; now Rhys knew all about Torchwood – Jack no longer had that part of Gwen. To Jacks credit, when Rhys went out with them, he tried hard to conceal the way he felt – but he wasn't doing a very good job.

That was until the Doctor turned up; apparently he was companionless at the moment and was at a bit of a loss. At first Ianto had thought he'd turned up to try and convince Jack to go with him, but then he stayed – and had yet to leave.

Two weeks earlier.

Jack had been back for about a week. Martha had left a couple of days ago, and things were starting to get back to some semblance of what passed for normal when you worked for Torchwood.

Gwen was tracking some recent Rift activity, which she seemed to think was not much to worry about. Ianto had been reorganising some files in the Archive; the filing having been severely neglected over the last few months. Since the Earth returned to where it was supposed to be – things had been relatively quiet. Jack had been quiet – especially after Martha had left – but he seemed okay.

Ianto had yet to stay over at the Hub since Jack's return; things had cooled off a fair bit between them in the last six months. Jack just didn't seem as interested as he once was; Ianto sighed as he remembered their late night games of naked hide and seek around the Hub.

"Tonight's the night," he thought to himself as he dropped the files he was holding onto the nearby table, and headed upstairs to see Jack.

He saw Gwen still at the computer, and was amazed at how quickly she had picked up the tech side of things; his mood deflated a little as he thought that she'd not had much choice since Tosh died. He walked over to her and smiled.

"How's it going?" he asked from over her shoulder.

Gwen glanced up at him. "Yeah okay," she replied, turning back to the computer screen. "Not much to report. Seems like a fairly benign occurrence."

Ianto lent down close to her. "Feel like an early night?" he whispered in her ear conspiratorially.

She looked to him again and smiled. "Got something special planned?"

He smiled back at her and shrugged his shoulders. "It's been a while."

"Well," Gwen replied. "I did tell you that Andy was asking after you."

Ianto grimaced slightly at the thought of Gwen's old partner. "I remember."

"He's not that bad Ianto!" Gwen admonished.

"Well you didn't seem to think that when he had a crush on you!" came Iantos retort.

Gwen opened her mouth to reply – but she couldn't deny it. "You are right – but I was going out with Rhys at the time."

"Anyway," Ianto began; they were starting to get off topic here. His thoughts were on seeing Jack under him tonight – not Andy. "Early night or what!"

"Yes, yes – I'm going," Gwen replied as she stood and gathered her things. She turned to Ianto and pointed a finger at his chest. "You have to text me later though with the details."

Ianto rolled his eyes as he gripped her shoulders and turned her towards the door. "You know I will," he whispered to her before he gave her a little push.

Jack looked up from the paper work he was lost in as he heard the Hub door open; he watched as Gwen walked out, then he looked at the clock. "She's early," he thought to himself. His face darkened as his thoughts continued. "She hasn't said more than two words to me all day, and now she's leaving early to rush home to him!" With a loud sigh, he returned to his desk and flopped heavily in his chair.

Just then Ianto appeared in his doorway. "Coffee Sir?" he asked, all business.

"No thanks," Jack replied without looking up.

"Tea?"

Jack looked at Ianto and frowned, he never drank tea. "No, thankyou."

Ianto paused for a second, taking a deep breath to try to steady the nerves that had just appeared out of nowhere.

"Me?" he asked hopefully; giving Jack what he hoped was an irresistible look.

Jack had looked back down after the tea offer, and much to Ianto's dismay, he didn't raise his head at this, and didn't seem as though he was going to answer.

"Jack?"

Jack shifted in his chair slightly; finally he looked up and met Ianto's eyes. "Ianto…I…"

Ianto didn't need to hear what Jack had to say; his look told him everything he needed – but didn't want – to know.

"It's okay Jack," he said as he turned to go. Then he stopped, suddenly very annoyed, and turned back.

"Actually – no Jack! It's not okay."

Jack was taken back by this; he hadn't expected Ianto to approach him – let alone challenge him like this. After a moments thought though he couldn't blame him; Jack knew he'd been pulling away from Ianto for months, without any sort of explanation. He knew it wasn't fair – but he didn't know what to tell Ianto; how could he – when he didn't know what was happening himself. So he just sat there.

"I want to know what's going on – I think I deserve better than the way you've been treating me," Ianto said nervously. He was waiting for Jack to say something scathing and throw him out.

The reply he got however shocked him. "You're right Ianto – of course you are."

Ianto was temporarily speechless. "Yes, well," he finally managed to get out.

Jack stood and walked to him, placing his hands on his shoulders. "You do deserve more," he said as he looked into Ianto's guileless eyes.

Moving his hand to cup Ianto's cheek, Jack seemed to be searching his face. "You deserve so much better than me."

Ianto moved his hand to cover Jack's, he revelled in the contact he was receiving from his Captain; it seemed like eons to him since Jack had touched him. "No Jack, all I want is you."

Jack smiled at him and brought his lips gently to Ianto's; pulling back he looked into Ianto's eyes again. "Will you stay?"

Ianto initiated the kiss this time; the last thought he could remember was "thank God, I came up from the Archives."


	2. Chapter 2

A/N: not sure if anyone's liking this enough to keep it going. If you're interested to see where this one is going – lemme know with some reviews

From their gentle beginnings, things progressed hurriedly and roughly from there – it had been a long time for them both.

Jack closed his eyes as Ianto took control; he kissed him hard and Jack tasted blood. He could feel Ianto pushing him backwards, the backs of his legs now hard against his desk; one of Ianto's hands ran down his shoulder, pushing off first one suspender and then the other. Without delay his hand then went to button and zipper, Jacks pants dropping with little persuasion.

Ianto dropped his other hand to enable him to quickly unbutton Jacks shirt before pushing it off his shoulders; he broke the kiss then, but only long enough to allow him to pull Jack's t-shirt off over his head.

Jack could feel his lips throbbing when Ianto left them; he toed his boots off and stepped out of his pants. He moved to push off Ianto's suit jacket, but his hands were pushed away; Ianto held tightly onto his hands and looked him in the eye. Jack got the message.

Ianto dropped to his knees in front of Jack; he ran his hands up Jack's muscular thighs, his heart beating so hard in his chest he thought Jack must hear it. He was relieved Jack gave into him – he didn't think he could keep up this bravado if Jack had been more insistent. He leaned in close as he grasped the band of Jack's boxers and pulled them down, pushing him back onto his desk at the same time.

Jack did as Ianto silently urged; usually he was the dominant one – but he sensed Ianto needed this. He leaned back on his desk, thankful for the support; as he looked down at Ianto kneeling in front of him – so close to him – his knees weakened a little. He gripped the edge of his desk tightly as Ianto's lips touched his burning skin.

He pushed Jack's legs apart slightly and brought his lips to the tender skin on his inner thigh; he could see Jack's knuckles turning white as he gripped his desk and he smiled. He wanted to drive Jack wild as Jack had done to him on so many occasions; he kissed his way up to where thigh meets hip, letting his cheek ever so lightly brush Jack's erection. The sharp intake of breath he was rewarded with made his own straining cock twitch against its constraints.

Jack brought one hand up to gently stroke the back of Ianto's head; he tried to subtly guide him closer to his throbbing cock, but Ianto would have none of it. He grabbed Jacks hand away, giving him a look of steely determination as he did so. "Uh, oh," Jack thought to himself. "I'm in trouble tonight!"

Ianto released Jacks hand. "I might just have to make you wait a little longer for that mate," Ianto thought. He was feeling more confidant as their encounter went on; Ianto stood suddenly and pushed Jack back onto his desk.

Jack couldn't read Ianto's expression, this display was so unlike him; Jack was always the one in control. "Except when I'm with the Doctor," he thought. At thought of the Doctor his cock jumped – he noticed Ianto smile. "I hope he hasn't developed any mind reading abilities while I've been away," Jack thought as Ianto leant over him.

He'd always found Ianto extremely attractive – who wouldn't – Ianto was gorgeous! As a result he'd certainly never had to imagine being with anyone else whilst he was with him – now he was finding it difficult not to. Now the Doctor was in his head – he couldn't get him out. Closing his eyes, it was easy for him to imagine it was the Doctor above him – the only person who had ever been able to dominate him.

Ianto leant over Jack and kissed his mouth lightly; then trailed his tongue around his jaw and up to his ear. Kissing and sucking his way down Jack's neck to his collarbone, he was loving the reaction he was getting. Jack was squirming under him; he could feel Jack's cock pressing hard into his stomach, and the thought that he hoped he wouldn't have any stains to get out flitted across his mind. He moved his hands from the desk to pin Jack's arms at his sides when he'd tried to pull Ianto tighter against him. He moved down Jack's chest at a torturously slow rate, planting feather light kisses down his toned torso, interspersed with almost savage bites.

Ianto pushed himself up from Jack, Jack arching up in an attempt to prolong the contact; he allowed himself a moment to admire the pattern of proprietary marks he'd left behind on Jack's perfect body. He'd never done that before, he didn't think Jack would let him – and he had a major urge to run for the camera. Instead he dropped back to his knees, releasing Jack's arms as he did so.

"Time to make him sit up and beg," thought Ianto, as he flicked his tongue across the tip of Jack's cock.

Jack bucked up hard at the contact, a strangled cry escaping his lips. "I've taught him too well," he thought as Ianto continued to play.

Ianto brought his hands up to rest on Jacks thighs, as he ran his cheek up Jack's length. A constant low moan was emanating from Jack now – and Ianto loved it. "I'm going off like a firecracker as soon as he touches me tonight," he thought as he continued.

Jack could hardly breathe Ianto had him so worked up; if he didn't get a move on – he wasn't sure he could be held responsible for his actions.

Ianto decided that Jack had suffered enough; he ran his tongue slowly up his thick shaft, savouring the taste of him. After circling the rim of Jack's knob, he finally took him in his mouth; he smiled at the loud groan that escaped Jack's lips. He moved a hand to lightly grasp the base of his erection as he started a strong, steady rhythm.

Jack knew he wouldn't last long; it had been ages since he'd been with anyone – and Ianto was very skilled. Add to that Jack's seeming inability to be able to get the Doctors face out of his head, and…

Ianto knew he was good – but the speed in which Jack lost it surprised him.

His release hit Jack hard; for the second time that night he was glad he had his desk to hold him up. Ianto was being merciless – continuing to stroke and suck at him as he came down, making him jump like a marionette on a string. Jack registered somewhere in his mind that Ianto had left him; he heard the slight squeak as Ianto sat in his chair, opening his eyes as he felt Ianto begin to gently smooth his sweat soaked hair back from his forehead.

A small smile played across his lips as Jack sighed contentedly; he really wanted to drop down into his room now and fall fast asleep on his bed. But he wanted Ianto first; getting up from his desk, he walked around to where Ianto sat in his chair. He knew Ianto would be bursting at the seams by now – it wouldn't take long.

Ianto watched as Jack walked around his desk to stop in front of him; he kept his eyes on Jacks face as he knelt down and began to unzip his pants.

Jack reached in and released Ianto's weeping cock to the cool air of the Hub; he looked into Ianto's eyes as he started a steady rhythm with his hand. He slowly ran his tongue across his lips as he moved to take Ianto in his mouth, the Welshman crying out in unrestrained pleasure.

Not that Ianto had done any Inter-Galactic travelling, but it still didn't prevent him from having the opinion that Jack gave the best blowjob in all reality. "If the Daleks had ever had a blowjob from Jack," he thought, "they never would've wanted to destroy all of reality."

Jack could feel Ianto was getting close; the nasty thought to stop dead ran fleetingly through Jack's mind. "Nah – I'm not that much of a bastard – anymore," he thought as he continued his ministrations.

Ianto felt as though his entire being were being pulled into a black hole – through the small opening at the end of his cock! Then he was gone. He opened his eyes some time later to see Jack still kneeling in front of him smiling.

"Back with us then?" Jack smiled.

Ianto narrowed his eyes at him in response.

Jack stood and held out his hand. "Come on," he began, "stay with me tonight. Help me sleep?"

Taking Jacks hand, Ianto stood and let himself be led to the entrance of the small bedroom; he climbed down first and let Jack undress him. He was suddenly very tired. Jack climbed into bed behind him and within minutes Ianto was asleep – the feeling of complete bliss showing plainly on his face.

Jack cuddled into Ianto, inhaling his familiar but lately distant scent. He knew he wouldn't sleep tonight, regardless of what he'd said to Ianto. Thoughts raced through his head.

"How much more complicated can my life get?" he said quietly, as Ianto snored softly beside him.


End file.
